Updated: Mar 6
The 3 easiest ways to sabotage your own happiness is to start comparing yourself to others, assume you know what other people are thinking of you and by judging. What do all of these things have in common? It is all EGO.
In this article I am breaking down these three killers of joy and giving you the antidote to EGO so that you can recognize these unhelpful thinking patterns and implement tools to get you back on the broad highway of happiness.
1. Comparing yourself to others
There is only 1 person you should be comparing yourself to in this world and it is who you were yesterday. Comparison is the number 1 killer of joy which is why I had to list it at number 1. I have heard this a million times and I am sure you have too but it wasn’t until I started an online social media company that I realized how true it really was.
In the early days of Seek Purpose l found myself a hot mess when I saw other people and their podcasts and how far they had come. It looked impossible to ever reach the level they were at and I had such a hard time trying to figure out how I wanted to show up online because I was so consumed by what other people were doing. I’d look at people 10+ years older than me who started a year or two earlier and think I should be at their level right out of the gate. It was torture!
There is no good that comes from the comparison game. Not one damn thing. If you are finding yourself really stuck in the comparison trap then I give you full permission to start unfollowing people, online and in real life. Get it out of your sight and out of your mind and put your head down and keep going, one day at a time, one foot at a time. If, in that time, you do the work to better yourself, gain confidence and a connection with your creator, there will come a day that you will be un effected by what others are doing and there will not be an account that you follow that can drag you back into the comparison trap.
2. Assuming you know what other people think of you
“Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.” It is also extremely unhelpful and another buzzkill that can turn any social gathering or zoom room into a nightmare. Even when you assume correctly you are only hurting yourself.
I am super guilty of this and have missed out on some amazing opportunities, friendships and experiences because I assumed I knew that that person didn’t like me, was out to get me or was only inviting me because they feel sorry for me. I assumed what people thought of my weight, my hair, my clothes, my home, my parenting, what my kids are wearing, how they feel about my makeup.. the list could go on and the worst part was sometimes I was right. The odd time that someone would make a comment about my weight or my untidiness at home my brain would instantly fire off with “See, everyone feels that way, you were right, no one respects you, everyone thinks you’re fat, no one likes you.”
Here is what I have learned about assuming how others feel; 90% of the time I am not right and when I am right it is not really about me and I can be happy anyway. If another person is judging me or not wanting to hangout with me or whatever it is, then it is their problem. I didn’t cause the problem and I sure as heck can’t fix it, what I can do is enjoy my life anyway. My happiness can not rest in the hands of anyone else or I am screwed.
The bottom line is, and you have probably heard this one before, what other people think of you is none of your business.
If you are the type of person who is worried about what other people are thinking or saying about you then you probably also have a lot to say about others, whether it is out loud or in your head. Judgment is a huge multi layered and forever present problem. I have felt very righteous in my judgments of others even going as far as judging people for being judgey.
Judgment is one of those character defects that God removed and I keep trying to take it back. Every single time I judge someone I end up in their shoes a few weeks later behaving exactly the same way. Early recovery was when my judgments took it to the next level. I skipped over the progress not perfection part of my program and went right to "I have to do this perfectly or die. The standards for my life had risen to unreachable heights and so did the expectations I had for everyone else. I judged old timers for not being perfect, I judged meetings, I judged my family for not getting help and I judged myself for still being human even after I got sober. How dare I.
I was so bummed when I realized everyone on this earth is human.. The silver lining is, as my faith in humanity crumbled I started to truly understand why I needed to put all of my faith in my Higher Power. Another great thing about realizing no one is perfect was that it allowed me to accept my imperfections and it was the beginning of an incredible shift that gave me more freedom than I have ever had before.
Let God work on other people. He will do a much better job and you will be happier and way more free in the process.
Find what lights you up. Tap into your passions and stop worrying about what other people are doing. If you are struggling to connect with your passions Seek Purpose is launching Unleashing Purpose a 3 day course that will help you heal your pain, explore your passions and create your pathway to purpose.
When you find yourself assuming anything about someone else’s feelings towards you, notice the thought, take a pause and pray, “HP I know this is unhelpful thinking and not your will for me. Please direct my thoughts to what would serve you and my fellows best.” You can create your own prayer, use this one or the serenity prayer works great for this as well.
Get God conscious. The only way to get the EGO out of the way is to get God in the way. Continue to give your will and life (thoughts and actions) over to your Creator throughout your day and let go of your grip on how the world should be run. You are the actor in this play, not the director. Let the director direct.
In summary, comparing, assuming and judging are the 3 deadly sins of happiness that can be overcome by taking personal responsibility and diminishing your ego by building a connection with your Higher Power. Which of the three joy killers are you ready to let go of first?
Thank you for checking out this post. If it resonated with you I would love your feedback. Please share, pin or post about how you are going to implement these tips into your sober life and tag @SeekPurposeNow so we can share it on our feeds. Visit www.seekpurposenow.com and subscribe to our mailing list for more content on finding purpose after addiction.