Updated: Mar 1, 2019
ECHO OF AN ANGEL
A sudden piercing pain shot through me and my knees began to weaken and my face winced with agony....what was happening to me? The agony came in waves. How can I make it through handling this excruciating pain. What god would make me suffer like this? Is this the pain that all women have endured through? My thoughts were racing, my heart in rapid concession..the fear of the unknown, the powerlessness of my body..my existence...the pains grew stronger- and closer together-the demands greater-to hold on- not yet- breathe- don’t push- push- its okay just push past the pain- I could not bear any more. Let it stop! I give up! I surrender!
Then...then..like a magical fable..time was suspended and it happened...this undeniable, magical, incredible, warm feeling overcame me. It instantly swallowed all that pain- it erased the fear, I new the battle was finally over. The feelings of incredible calmness, softness, gentleness...A tingling sensation in my soul bounced around! An echo of an angel coo’d in my arms! I felt God- and the pureness of his love.... I just became a Mother...
This is the beginning of my love story.
Adapting to being a mom again took some adjustment. Girls are doing great but they sometimes forget things so I must be on top of things and remind them now and then. They are really self sufficient though, my daughter has done a good job that way. They prepare their own lunches and breakfast, set their alarms and need no prompting to get up. I am pretty amazed. I am back to planning days/meals/grocery/proper foods. Not had to do this for a long time. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone back in time and it’s like yesterday. I also have thoughts of not spending enough one on one time with my daughters - too busy trying to keep house and cooking a priority and not enough hugging and telling them I love you and taking time to really listen to what they had to share feelings wise.
Always saying everything is alright and it not always was. I have learned so much over the years watching my daughters be mothers and knowing how each communicates and teaches them to as well. I still have trouble understanding real feelings and communicating them. Especially the difficult things which I tend to stuff and not address for fear of being weak and mean and not good enough to be a mom. So hard for me to articulate and give examples. My comprehension of understanding feelings are always a struggle for me. However I think today I do a much better job at that. Never really needed to think about this till now as I am doing the mom role while my daughter is away. It’s all good and so grateful to be entrusted to play this role today with my granddaughters. Reflecting on the past has just helped me appreciate so much of what I have today, and the deep love I have for my family and they have for me! What a love story...
Written by Oma